Toss & Turn

"You were like Christmas morning," is probably one of the most cliché flatteries I've ever heard. Granted, it's from Mr. and Mrs. Smith, but last night I tossed and turned so much waiting to wake up in the morning just to see him, I almost agreed with it.

I went to bed too late, woke up too early, showered too soon. Still have five hours to sit around. It's torture, but at least Firefly reruns are on the Sci-Fi channel. And I have The Cider House Rules to read, though I seem to be easily distracted from it. I haven't read a real book in so long. It's refreshing but sort of hard to grasp. Not quite like riding a bike, more like roller blading. It takes longer to pick up again, but once you do, it's extremely gratifying.

Gabs and I watched almost eight straight hours of reruns of The Bachelor yesterday. The season with Bob. I think I've sunk to a new low, haha, but it was strangely enjoyable. We got dressed up and went out for Katherine Preston's 21st birthday around nine. Neither of us really knew her very well before last night, but I was glad I went (and glad I didn't drink, heh). She's so glamorous and fun - one of those people you see from afar and wish you were friends with. What's funny about that is she admitted to Gabs and I that she'd always wanted to talk to us because she thought we'd be "fuckin' awesome people" but never got around to it. She asked if we were friends with Sayeed and of course I said yes, but Gabs was a little bitchy about it. Not that I didn't expect it. I know she and Sayeed don't get along anymore, but can't she just get over the fact that we're better friends? I could be just as bitchy to her about Mary, but I'm not, because I don't feel the need to sink to her level. Do they bug me together? God, yes. But I'm not going to text Sayeed in front of her or use code words or act like a 13-year-old. Her comments are just a little unnecessarily full of malice sometimes. Regardless, Katherine's in town for another week and has promised to come over bearing Smirnoff Ice and B-List movies. Who can say no to that?

Why did they cancel this show?! Why?! It's so fun. What I don't get is why they didn't just air it on Sci-Fi to begin with. Stupid television companies. :shakes head:

I am going to go nuts until 5:30 when he gets here. The suspense is killing me. Aaah!

Kick-off

I was up until 3:45 copy editing the first summer issue of The Maneater last night, so hopefully I'll get paid enough for my efforts. I completely understand, though, because they're understaffed, and it was something to do. Considering I'm a bum without a job, I had no excuse to turn down an opportunity to earn money.

Hopefully this is the start of updating regularly every day. I'm getting excited again. I'd forgotten how much I love journaling. It's a nice release and makes the time pass.

Going to the Columbia Public Library to procure a library card and a lifetime's worth of books. My list just keeps growing, but I figure getting them all at once would 1) not be allowed and 2) be unwise. I'm thinking three or four at a time. I can't wait to lose myself in books again. Another welcome escape.

Sayeed comes on Friday, which isn't soon enough. I'm unhealthily addicted to his presence. He makes me feel at ease, and I love our dynamic. We say what we feel and we're okay with that, even if it hurts sometimes. I miss him.

I finished Eclipse this morning. Pretty bittersweet, though I still hold to my claim that those books are poorly written and slightly melodramatic. Well, at least Bella is. I can't stand Stephanie Meyers' girl characters - aside from Alice. And I find myself actually feeling terrible for Jacob. It isn't fair. With Edward around, he doesn't have a chance. Not that Edward is any less delicious. I wish Jude Law was young enough to play him in the movie. :sigh: Wow, I'm a loser. The movie looks even worse than the books, at least writing-wise. Well, and acting-wise. Oh, and production-wise. Okay, just everything-wise.

Must dash off to shower. Books, here I come!

Summer Sojourn

A little immaturity goes a long way, and I suppose I received some closure in a way I hadn't been expecting or hoping for, but that's the way life goes sometimes. All I can do is apologize and move on, hoping he moves on and comes around eventually. And if he doesn't, so be it. I'll remember the good parts of our relationship and shove out the bad. I'll be nicer than he deserves, because I refuse to drop to his level. Didn't call on purpose? Alright. It takes two to tango, and I already admitted I was wrong. I was infuriated, but that doesn't help things. There's nothing left to dwell on. This summer will be about me. I'm going to be selfish for once, dammit.

Plans. I've moved into an apartment with Gabs and we're being pseudo-adults, buying groceries and cookware, looking for jobs. I'm going home for Kellyburn's graduation, which will be joyous and full of congratulations and pride for my dearest, cousin-like friend. My brother will come back to Columbia with me for a short visit during which I will try to talk some sense into him about relationships (though god knows my advice, however drawn from experience, should be taken with a grain of salt in that department). Forrest will visit at the end of June during his birthday, and he and Gabs and I will frolic about. I'll complete History of American Journalism with flying colors, attempting not to procrastinate on the book review and failing anyway.

Sayeed will come home with me over the 4th of July to hang out with my family and friends, and we won't have to pretend we aren't madly in love with each other. We'll cook out and watch fireworks on a blanket and be goddamn American (which is ironic when you think about it). We'll start our religious studies class together and enjoy every minute of it. I'll keep working on geography - hey, I've got nine months (no, not of pregnancy), might as well take my time. We'll take a trip to the St. Louis Zoo, eat a picnic lunch, go out to dinner and go see My Fair Lady at The Muny. We'll hold hands the entire day with careless abandon.

I'll have a job or I won't. I'll read all the books on my list - or at least a lot of them. I'll finish knitting my scarf. I'll write poetry and fiction. I'll learn to cook - including Indian food.

Kellyburn will visit at the end of July and bring with her all her tales of summer flings, creative writing, downright silliness and sunshine. Everyone will pack up and move home for a temporary vacation before packing up and moving back. And it'll be a nice sojourn from school life and reality. Time for family and friends from home. Time for pets and time alone. Time for reflection on a summer well-spent. For memories and hammocks and daydreams.

Just enough time to sleep before sleep isn't an option. We all need that little lull once in a while. I'm pretty confident I can do some healing this summer if I let myself. If I figure out what really makes me happy. I'm ready.